Sunday, December 27, 2009

Two way street





Every year I send a friend flowers for Christmas and this year I forgot. She waited for them until Christmas Day arrived... no flowers... so her husband bought her some flowers for Christmas. When I went to  their house for dinner on Christmas Day, I was sitting at their dining table and I noticed a big vase of yellow orhids and I commented on  how nice they looked to her husband ( it never occurred to me that I forgot to send her flowers). Later on in the evening as my friend and I were talking she said jokingly that she waited for my flowers and that I musnt forget to send her flowers next year. To her, its wasnt about the flowers...it was what I did for her every year ...it was a mark of our friendship.

I am not sure why I forgot to send her flowers...maybe I was too preoccupied in my own life. But I made a mental note to send her flowers the next day, as it was still Christmas in some parts of the world. When she received the flowers, she called to tell  me that she was touched by the gesture but she felt bad for telling me about the flowers....BUT I was so happy that she did. Its a small thing but its the small things that add up and in a true friendship, both parties need to be comfortable enough to voice their feelings. This morning I asked her to return the table runner I gave her that she is not using!...ha..ha... This is what friends do.

I remember many years ago,I was travelling in U.S and I "hounded" my business partner and friend to buy me a handmade kaleidoscope. And he did, it cost a small fortune at that time but I still have it on my desk and every time I look at it, I am reminded of how I "badgered" him into buying it for me. I could have bought it for myself but it was more fun getting him to buy it for me.

We are very happy to give to others but we are reluctant to receive and even more uncomfortable to ask for what we want...because we worry about how it will get interpreted and we don't want to burden our friends. But there is a flip side to this...by not allowing someone to give to us, we are not giving them the opportunity to experience the joy of giving.
 In the bigger scheme of things  there is no need for formality with good friends.. what matters more is how happy we feel when we have the opportunity to do do something for a close friend and make them happy in the process...and the fact that we have so much to share and give...that in itself is a true blessing!

(picture - courtesy of erica dickens)

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