Monday, November 30, 2009

Feel the fear and do it anyway

I remember reading a book that was titled " Feel the fear and do it anyway"
I have been keeping my blog a secret as I was afraid of how people might respond to ,if i opened it up to the world. What if someone criticises me or says that my writing is " crap!" ... what if I start letting the fact that someone is going to read my blog color the way I write?? .... and then I realised that even that is just a part of my journey....what have i to fear?

Somehow we have this unrealistic view of life that everything needs to fall in place and that we need to move from success to success or from one good thing to another. Some days, my writing will be "crap" and somedays I wont feel so upbeat about life what?  For me blogging  helps me clarify my thoughts and it helps me make sense of my world. If in the process , I happen to touch someone else's life who may be  feeling the same way ...great! ... then I would have lived more fully today... I would have added in someway to me and the world.

If it all boils down to one thing I want from my life , then its to be authentic and live in my power. And when I think of that , nothing else matters more... !!! Everyday lived in that way is another glorious day. Doesn't mean I dont feel the fear.. or "scare myself crazy" ...sometimes I do  but the more I accept the emotions I feel and acknowledge them, the more alive i feel. It frees up my energy and let's my spirit fly by ... all that by simply doing nothing , just being aware. Love it!!!

Saturday, November 28, 2009

Joy.... doing what I love

Listening to myself and only doing those things that make my spirit happy is my message for me today. Its seems like such a simple and straightforward thing to do and yet I have struggled with this all my life. I tend to do what's "required", whats "right" and what is "expected' of me "duty" first....leaving me very little time to do what makes me happy at a core level. and even as I write this, my mind is screaming at me ...."how the hell are you going to do this?... nice thought but is it practical??" " is this something that you can sustain or is it just a passing fad?"

That voice is the "drill sergeant"in me ..the one that gets me up in the morning, the one that reminds me what I have to do "duties" ...and its served me all these years, kept me from getting into trouble, helped me pass exams and excel in my work ....helped me to be a good mother, good student, good daughter, good boss....but why this need to be so "good". Does listening to myself and being "spirited" make me "bad?" I guess I must have thought that at some level because I did get myself into alot of trouble as a child, for doing what i wanted to and not what others wanted me to do.

So what I have been doing most of my life is to be so " good" until I cant take it anymore than I flip and become this "brat child" especially when things get tough, I dig my heels in and put up a "temper tantrum". Thats worked for me so far. ...But if I listened to myself more...I mean really listen to what I want to do at a soul level..then maybe I dont need to do this anymore. I can be in my true power and be me.

I think half the problems we face today come from us playing " roles" that we feel we ought to and somewhere along the way we think the role is who we are, we go into auto -pliot mode. I choose today to start living in more awareness about the things i do and to choose to do the things that make me joyful. This will be my one month experiment starting end of november leading me to the end of the year. They say that if you do something for a full 21 day cycle ( one mandala) it will become a habit.

Day 1 of Wandering Dog 30day challenge ( follow link below and see where it takes me)

Friday, November 27, 2009

To love or not to love... its not even a question!

Someone I know from a distance is getting married today at the age of 21, my niece and my two children are helping her to make this day special for her. Us adults, on the other hand have stepped back in judgement and refused to look at it...hopefully it will go away....!!

I know I have my judgements about can they get married when they cant even afford a wedding...why do they want to get married when there nothing is certain these days!!!...??

I chose to sleep in this morning so I wont have to see any of this "drama" as my kids offered our house to the bride and groom to dress up before they go for the solemnization ceremony...but i couldn't resist looking out the window when they left....

My niece's boyfriend carried a big bouquet of flowers into the taxi that was waiting, followed by my son and then my niece, all carrying various things to make this day special for their friend.

Then it struck me children are "championing love"....who am I to judge whether they are doing the right thing or not. At least these kids are choosing love over drugs or something else destructive....I realised it is my own discomfort with love and cynicism that has coloured my perspective towards this whole situation.

Our opinions usually carry a charge behind them..just like electricity and the more strongly we feel about something , the greater the charge. These days, I stop myself if I have a negative opinion about something or somebody and I observe the thought instead.

Someone sent me a mail yesterday that talked about embracing our shadow self and how our internal thoughts are often reflected out into the world as mass consciousness. That thought alone compels me to be careful with my thoughts and where I spend my energy.

The mail went on to ask readers to think of any situation that causing them conflict and to say :

1. I love you ( accepting or embracing the situation )

2. I am sorry ( accepting responsibility and owning the situation)

3. Thank you ( expressing gratitude as things don't "press our buttons" unless we have something to learn from them)

Someone I work with was telling me that she was reading a book about a doctor who has had great success in healing his mental patients and all he did was to look at each individual case file and say these words... I love you , I am sorry , Thank you.

Does it work? ... It does for me....why because anything that opts for love over anger, hatred , cynicism or judgement.... is worthwhile.

My kids taught me that this morning, by ignoring me and just sticking to what they wanted to do even though they knew I didn't approve. Good on them... Here's to love and happiness whether its ever lasting or just a fleeting moment ... we are all richer for being touched by it!

Saturday, November 21, 2009

heading in the same direction...

I woke up this morning with a song in my head, it was the prayer for peace by St Francis of Assisi. To me its timeless :

"Lord, make me an instrument of your peace, Where there is hatred, let me sow love;where there is injury, pardon;where there is doubt, faith;where there is despair, hope;where there is darkness, light;where there is sadness, joy;
O Divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console; to be understood as to understand; to be loved as to love.
For it is in giving that we receive; it is in pardoning that we are pardoned; and it is in dying that we are born to eternal life."

And there is a really nice version of this that can be found in www. The artist is called Angelika and the album is Benediction and its has prayers of all religions.
In my view, its the way of the world, being able to transcend religion for spirituality. Two days ago at dinner we were discussing similarities between Islam, Buddhism, Hindusim and Christianity.... and we talked about my upbringing ....When we were young, my dad told us to take 4 glasses of water and put coloured ink in it and asked us what we saw, when we told him the colours we saw, he said, "but is still water". He then went on to explain how God appears in different forms to different people but that it all comes from the same source...just like the water in the glasses.
We live in so much fear ...of opening ourselves up to other cultures and their beliefs but if we stay grounded in the one belief that goodness and light always shines over darknes than we have nothing to fear. Just focussing on basic humaness ...we all want peace, joy , love..this is the common thread that ties us altogether as one human race and hopefully we are big enough to transcend our differences and take this beyond humanity to all life forms on the planet. There is so much to be done, we cannot waste our time on petty differences. We argue about religion and our personal God as if thats the only thing that matters...but in truth, if we are arguing about whose religion is better...its only a mental/cerebral execrcise...not one that can be felt from the heart. If you dont believe me, just feel in your body the next time you get into any sort of an argument, its impossible to to argue and stay in your heart space. Try it! ...your heart will keep shifting you to higher ground always! However , if you are coming from ego...and its not located in the heart, you can argue till the cows come home! The more rigid your position, the more "stuck" you become in your energy...look around you ...everything is in cannot sit is dynamic. If we dont challege our own ideas , we dont grow and if we dont grow, we die and thats such a shame considering that we are all so blessed.

Friday, November 20, 2009

Heads or Tails ...all part of the same beast!...

Masaru Emoto became known for his pictures of water crystals. He froze water and took pictures of them as they defrosted. He was interested in seeing if there was a difference between different types of water. He did all sorts of things like playing music to water , exposing water to specific words and then taking photographs of these water crystals. He found that water responded in a consistent way towards positive words like love and gratitude and they formed beautiful crystals. He also found that when water was exposed to microwave, heavy metal music or words like war, or anger, the crystals did not form fully, it was distorted.

But even more interesting was the fact that some of these crystals still looked beautiful, just that they seemed half formed or half distorted. Emoto concluded that perhaps this is because within war sits peace or the yearning for peace. That thought resonates with me as the opposite polarities of something still makes up the whole when put together.

Perhaps that is what happens to us quite often, when we seek something with a passion , for eg, when we seek peace , we create turbulence and unrest within ourselves before we can get to that peaceful place. And maybe that is the process of life, in the quest for oneness we have to face separation at times.... and no one is free of this ... as it is the law of the universe.

I learnt recently that the best way to resolve that turbulence/unrest inside us, is to accept it and face it. This is the opposite to what we have been taught. We have been taught to put any negative thought away and pretend that it never existed. But to say, " I am aware that I am feeling fear and I accept that part of me" helps me embrace a side of me that I dont portray to the world because it might make me look weak. When I think of some of the things that are happening around us now , I know that each of them is meant to bring our attention to what we need to work on or accept.

Out of separation comes wholeness, out of conflict comes peace, out of suffering comes joy... its just the flip side of the other, like a coin, the head and the tail....but its still a coin.

So I have learnt that instead of fighting against what's happening, that I can sit back and enjoy the process knowing that what i am looking for is in the making... and what I see in front of me is merely one part of the whole but its also evidence that my wishes are being manifested... its God's work in progress. My past experience tells me that the universe delivers a 100 times more than what I can ever ask for... way bigger and better than my wildest dreams!

Wednesday, November 18, 2009 in progress

Its been a month since I blogged...why ... i had nothing to say. Sometimes, silence is good. But why do we try to fill up all the gaps in our lives ... even in conversation, we sometimes get uncomfortable when we have nothing to say.
and yet ... I recall times of total bliss when i have sat in silence with someone I love, just enjoying the breeze.

I have attended workshops where we observe silence for days and each time i emerged with more clarity and a sense of freedom. When the constant chatter/inner dialogue stops...there is such a sense of relief and joy. I think its because we free up the energy that is tied up in inner dialogue and this puts us in a creative space to create what we want in our lives. I notice that when i am in this space, I am more present in the moment. I was watching TV two nights ago and there was a comedy on, and I was laughing out loud. I cant remember the last time i laughed whole heartedly. I was walking into my home this evening and I felt so welcomed by it... and i was filled with gratitude that I have a comfortable space to enjoy and share with others. Nothing has changed about my home.....but something changes inside me when ever i give myself time. I feel renewed and at peace with myself. That makes me a nicer person to be around ... for my kids, the people i work with and even strangers i pass by on the street.

If my kids read this they would say its mummy's"hippy shit"... maybe it is ....but its good hippy shit because i can sit in my own silent space and enjoy everything...both the doing and the being. how precious is that?