Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Soul Searching Dog

I smile as I sit at my computer to write this blog... Writing the title made me smile, I have an image of a dog in an orange monk's robe sitting cross legged in a meditative position on a mountain top overlooking the valleys. ( its a cartoon dog by the way!)

I am not in one of those funny moods actually... its the opposite... I am feeling very challenged and in some ways a bit let down. I don't even know where to start. But I do know one thing... that my outer world is a reflection of my own beliefs and thoughts and instead of focusing on t he people outside and the incidents, I have decided to go within and find out what is causing this turbulence inside me.

I have been a 'barking' dog all my life.. I say it like it is..used to be alot worse and I think i have mellowed down alot over time. But my being direct , even though mild in comparison to the past, is seen by some people as disloyal and I feel misunderstood.That is so far from the truth for anyone born in the year of the dog.

I dont even mind being misunderstood because it just affects me but when it filters out to affect people who align with me and when I know in my heart of hearts that maybe they are getting penalised because of me...now that really breaks my heart.

I know that the people who hurt me are serving me because this is a big button for me... injustice. even as a child, I would risk everything to fight for what's "right" and it has got me into a lot of trouble. Its almost like if we are all wired with different triggers and if someone happens to hit one of the big triggers, than a whole of emotions show up...not just for this incident but for all the injustices that have taken place in my life... all at once.

I am looking forward to the short break I am taking as it will give me space to do some soul searching and find out what the "charge" is behind these emotions. For now, I am just thankful that I can at least observe what is happening instead of being swept away by it all....or rather its kind of like a movie...one moment I am in it , really getting tossed around by the waves and the next I am watching this movie of myself being tossed around by the waves. We cant always be riding the waves , sometimes we lose balance... the trick is being able to enjoy where we are ...even when we are down... whenever I read this in the past, I used to think to myself ..." ya.. get real" but I now see glimpses of it. Its not such a bad thing feeling down. I just acknowledge that this is what i am feeling and keep living life... and whenever i can, I sit crossed legged , like my cartoon dog and try to be still ...to hear what my soul wants to whisper to me because the times when we are most vulnerable are the times we get the most profound messages. I cant wait to see what the universe has in store for me..usually its quite magical and better than what I imagined.

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

Roots and Wings....Love and Encouragement...

" there are two things we should give our children: one is roots and the other is wings ( Hodding Carter)

It made me smile when I read that. I remember when I was 15 years old, I said that I wanted to own an island....my brother laughed and said "i know the kind of island you will own ... the kind that goes under water in high tide" ....my aunt who heard our banter said to me that if manage to make half the money for the island, that she will pay the other half...she gave me wings.

Depending who I spoke to and depending on their upbringing and belief system...they either clipped my wings or they encouraged me to soar high.

The funny thing is, most times when someone clipped my wings, they had my best interest at heart....i don't think they ever intentionally went out of their way to stop me from growing or flying high. Often these well intentioned people don't want us to get hurt... like the other seagulls in Johnathan Livingston Seagull... they were trying to protect me... but they were also trying to keep me from changing too much because that would mean that they have to change...its only natural ... when something shifts ...everything else needs to shift to accommodate that shift.

I understand this as an adult but I don't think I understood much of this as a child, or as a young person who wasn't emotionally mature.

Someone told me that it is impossible to deal with some of these " programs" in adult mode, that we have to view them as a child and feel the emotions or fear we felt when the incident occurred.
and then, there's balance...how much of our lives do we spend dealing with past hurts...when do we move on, when do we live in the present.

I don't have the answers, I just know that I have to do whatever it takes in any given moment to live fully...if it means dealing with some ugly "monster' from the past... I do it , I don't sweep it under the carpet for later. These days... I catch myself when i try to postpone being in the moment ...for example..last night, my daughter wanted me to help her make popcorn...a part of me just wanted to be lazy ...as i was half reading and half sleeping.. but it was one small opportunity to bond with her and enjoy a moment with her. So I went downstairs with her to do that and teach her how to "pop" corn.

When I make time for my children..when I let them know that I love them... when i appreciate them...I give them roots... they dont just grow ...they glow. When I listen to their dreams and encourage them ...even if what they want seems " unreachable to me" ......these are times when their wings start to grow. Who am I to think that I know whats best for them or what they can do??? ... or what they are meant to do ? Did any of the parents of famous people know that their child would do something to impact the world... maybe some.... but i doubt the majority of them knew. When we listen to their dreams and when we acknowldege their aspirations ...we give them wings so that when they do fly, they get into a full flight and really soar with confidence... we dont know where they will land but that does not matter as much because if they knew how to fly , they can easily take off and find another place if the one they landed on is not to their liking! ...because they have the roots that to ground them and the wings to give flight to their their dreams.

Wednesday, July 1, 2009

Co-creating the life you want...

The other day at lunch we spoke at the 'instant generation' ...how media has influenced a whole generation of people who think that they will get magically transported into the life they want. I am sure there are many rags to riches stories out there and I have nothing against dreaming big dreams.. I really do believe that we are meant to achieve great things. I believe in our potential as human beings. I also believe that we need to put in some effort towards our goals. In some cultures , they talk about a 21 day cycle , and say that if you are able to hold a pattern/ change you wish to make for 21 days then that change becomes embedded into your energetic body. Others call this cycle a mandala. I think doing something for 21 days sends the message to your brain that you really want to do this, then your brain sets out to find things that support this or not support it depending on your believe system on whether you really feel you deserve it in the first place. Then it takes about 1to 3 years of effort to gain recognition for your effort. Sure there are over night successes but even if you asked these people, they would tell you that they have been incubating a particular thought or idea for sometime. Work has to be done at three levels :

1. Mental level - the thoughts we carry about an outcome/something we desire

2. Physical level - what we do on a day to day basis towards that goal

3. Spiritual level- meaning it has to resonate with your spirit and and your belief system. Ideally , you also get the support of the universe to help you along the way... some people i know call this "divine arrangement or intervention" I know someone who used to support poor families and every month , she would arrange for food supplies for these families and when i asked her if she ever worried about not having the money to support these families, she replied that she did not and that it was divine arrangement....that someone would always come along to lend support whenever she needed that support. It wasnt wishing thinking...there was a silent resolve ... confidence /knowing that she exuded... she didnt have any doubts. She had the intent, she fueled the intent with effort and she let it flow into the universe for it to take a life of its own. In her case, she didnt even need to ask, she just knew.

I am quite amazed at the number of people I meet who still think that life happens to them... we make life happen .. not the other way around....by actively participating in life. By putting in the effort required to reap the rewards of our effort.... when we do this...the universe moves to help us with our goal....usually, in ways that are quite amazing.