Sometimes, we wish we didnt have to make those choices, especially ones where we have to leave people behind. We are told that it is a part of life and yet its never that easy.
I can remember many such instances in my life when i have had to do that and each one helped me grow up a bit more. But its still pretty scary when you are standing the other side of the door wondering whether to go in or not... wondering what lies on the other side.
A friend once said to me that everything I need will be waiting on the other side, I just have to trust and go through the door and shut it behind me.
What holds us back most times is fear of the unknown and not wanting to let go what's familiar or routine. The truth is that we never really learn much from being "safe" and what we know. The learning lies in what we dont know, what confuses/frustrates us...and what scares us.
When my heart beats faster and when stomach feels uneasy...it tells me that I am alive...yes I am afraid but I can feel my heart beat and I am alive!! When I go out to do something that pushes me out of my comfort zone, I feel exhilirated ...It builds my confidence and it makes me feel invincible and strong! But I also like my comfort zones and routines because they make me feel grounded. And I think , being grounded gives me the courage to go out and explore. Its about finding that balance and what's right for me , may not be right for someone else.
I know someone who is an adrenaline junky...she goes from one scary thing to the next..to me that type of lifestyle seems like escapism and we cant all be jumping off planes and living life like James bond or Charlie's angels. Then there are others I know who go from drama in their life to another and they are no similar from my adrenaline junkie friend. It is our human nature to look for excitement or that rush and my theory is that if we dont go out and find the experiences that do that for us in a constructive manner , then it is likely that we will go out to attract all sorts of drama to us because one way or another we need to keep ourselves busy.
The answer lies somewhere between the two states of living on the edge and living a safe sane live.Writing this made me think about what I want to do next... things that will challenge me... I can think of a few things that will make me feel alive... Here's my list :
1. underwater diving
2. hang gliding
3. flying a plane
4. riding a bike
5. going to machu pichu , shangrila, nepal, and mountain trekking
6. learning to ski
7. learning from a shaman/ spending time with any kind of native group to learn about their way of life
I may not end up doing all of them but its there to nudge me along. And there are other things...smaller..not so dramatic things like taking up dance classes, learning pottery, getting fit enough to complete a marathon of some sort. I can feel my new adventures calling me!