Tuesday, March 3, 2009

when a dog's had enough!!!

Yesterday's lunch time talk and discussion naturally went to different types of pet behaviours.

This reminds me of a dog I used to have that was so "proud." If I were to give her food by just leaving the plate of food and walking away, the food would still remain there till the end of the day. One time I gave my dog a shower and then walked away absent-mindedly, and when i got back to that part of the house about an hour later, my dog was still standing there , all wet and cold..."waiting to be towel dried"

I always thought this dog was unusual but I have heard from other people about their pets and how they also demonstrate this behaviour.

There are two things that come to mind when i think of this and how we behave at work with each other.

The first has to do with pride...actually a stronger word is more appropriate ...Ego. So many battles are fought at work because of ego and we sometimes lose perspective of the actual event when we focus on ego and how it hurt our pride or " lost face"

The corporate world is in the trouble it is in now because of ego. When we start thinking that we are "bigger than the company" , when our individual needs become bigger than the company's, this is what happens. This is how 'territory wars" and "border conflicts" arise between offices in different locations. These battles are serious and they taken very personally.

The second , has to do with how somebody feels"wronged" and has to find a "scape goat" to pin blame on because they are so far down the track that they have to demonstrate to others that they were right and someone else was wrong. Usually the one getting hurt is the one with the least "power." A leader needs spot this and not allow it to go on as it is destructive to the very fibre of the company. Titles don't give people permission to abuse their "power" and pick on others with "less power"

So the question is, how do we navigate through these situations, intact, without getting 'hurt."
( I am only focusing on the aspects relating to how you manage your own thoughts, not on the do's and dont's of navigating through a corporation as that's the easy part)

1. Disengage - refuse to get sucked in as far as possible , its very hard to attack someone who is unarmed and not threatening in anyway
2. Once you have said your piece, walk away and focus on more constructive things. There are people who live off other people's energy like an "energy vampire"
3. Being aware when you are getting drawn into an "ugly situation" - sometimes we need to go in and make a stand but we need to still stay in our own sense of integrity.
4. Modelling good behaviour - others will take cue from you and will instigate if allowed
5. Sri Sri Ravi Shankar (Guru of Joy) in one of his workshops says , that that is no room for E-Go- it should GO.
6. Project what you want in your life instead of focusing on this one thing that is "not working" at this point
7. Forgive and let go anyone who is irritating you - they don't know any better , if they did, they would have done it already. Most people are good at heart, although there are some bad apples ( being mild here!!)
8. Count your blessings - its still a good life and things that come into your life to challenge you , help you to take stock , they help you decide on your core priorities are and to stay on course

I always find a way to say "thank you " in my mind to the person who has challenged me because they are helping me become a better person...after all isn't life all about that...being the best person you can be in your own eyes?

Sometimes I "push and pull " against life and fight the wars of everyday living, but when i step back, and ask "what can i learn from this situation " or " how can I turn this into something useful in my life and the lives of others around me?" I get a different perspective of things. A "warm and fuzzy" perspective and it makes me smile.

In N.L.P. , we learn to change of our perspective of incidents and also reduce the power it has over us. When my kids come come from school or have had a bad dream at night , I ask them to picture the event again but this time watch it , like if you were watching TV but with a cartoon background music or in "fast play" . Sometimes we hum a fast tune together. Its really funny, we always land up laughing. Laughter in my view has the same charge as crying/ tears. This is why we sometimes laugh till we get tears in our eyes and you feel kind of 'high' after that. Some people say that its got to do with the endorphins, natures own "morphine"....

We take ourselves and our job titles too seriously, we rely on these external titles to make us feel powerful, but we are more powerful than any title if we come from the heart.
Reminds me of when i was running a technology company and was speaking to a friend and he said " I am an ASP ( Assistant Superintendent of Police) and I said so am I " an Application Service Provider" ...he didn't think it was very funny!

Soldier on , my friends, there is still so much goodness in life and it far outweighs the occasional "ugliness" we see.... Besides those who operate out of ego tend to do a good job of digging a big enough hole to bury themselves in it , all on their own!!!

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