We spend too much time trying to change someone from what they are to what we want them to be and we do this in the name of love. What gives us the right to say that we know better than someone else about what they are meant to be or do? And when we do that , where are we coming from ?... our own ego and our perception of what they should do ....or are we really looking at it from the other person's point of view- their place on this planet?
Its a difficult one, because its hard to be maintain that kind clarity in thinking on a consistent basis....but its something I work on and I try to be conscious of it and aspire to do more of it.
The best way to learn this lesson is when you become a parent, children have a way of thrusting the toughest lessons our way. Reminds me of a conversation I had with someone recently, where I said that things in life, especially when it relates to children are not so black and white and we wont really know if we are doing a good job of it by looking at the results piece meal. Whether someone succeeds or fails is a life long process, we wont know this as long as we are living. Besides even the words, success and failure in themselves are stuck to specific points in time, sometimes success leads to a failure and vice versa ...how many times have we read about people who "failed" miserably who end being a fantastic "success"?
For me, this also applies to the people I work with. I hate it when they get judged by others as a success or failure. At work, we think we have all these "clever" models to put people in "boxes" and label them. I have seen many situations where someone is 'labelled' as not succeeding at something who then turns out to be a raving success or the other way around. I am not saying that we just let the people we manage grow like "wild flowers" and leave them alone. But there is a balance somewhere in there and as leaders we need to find it.
We need to be honest with them when we find that they are giving mixed signals and are not congruent with who they say they are ( when they are not authentic), we need to guide them when they are missing out a perspective or view point and are drawing the wrong conclusions. And most of all we need to facilitate their own learning so that they can navigate in the direction that they wish to head in.
Letting the people I love - fly is a recognition of the fact that each individual has to make their own mark on the world. When they do, I want to stand back and watch them with pride from afar hoping that one day, they too will help others find their own wings.
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