..." Me Time"...

We like it when we get a special treat. We like the pampering and the fact that it makes us feel special. Some of us are givers, we get a buzz from giving and others like receiving. I am not sure if its the same with everyone, I enjoy watching some one's face light up when they receive a present.

Last Christmas, my kids and I decided that we weren't going to give each other presents. We were in Australia and we chose gift cards from the Rotary Club tree and bought about ten presents for the needy. There was an 81 year old who wanted some lipstick and chocolate, a 90 year old man who wanted toiletries, a 10 year old who wanted a beach towel...etc. We had fun buying these anonymous presents and wrapping them up. My kids did most of the "run around" in the shopping centre and they took all the presents to the kiosk before we left Australia. In this case we never saw the faces of the people who received them but we made sure that they will be happy by taking special care to buy things that we would like. I think if you give someone a present , its got to be something that you would give yourself/ a loved one, why bother otherwise?

Speaking of giving ourselves presents, this is one thing that I am not good at, I find that I end up giving so much of myself to others, being a mother, an employer, a daughter, a friend ...that I sometimes forget to look after me. If someone were to ask me what i want, I always say "nothing" - this is true because I don't really need "any-thing". I am blessed and I have more than enough in my life. I think its because I want my presents to be meaningful. Its about what i feel when I receive it. I hate those "token' presents where someone feels they have to give you something and there is no "heart " in it, then it becomes just a "thing" I asked my previous assistant once to send someone a bottle of wine.I chose the wine and in my mind I had imagined a nicely presented bottle of wine. She was going to just send it in bubble wrap in a plastic bag. She felt that the receiver was going to unwrap it anyway and that presentation did not matter but it does... we don't have to be wasteful with the wrapping of presents but for me its needs to be presented well because it represents the thought behind the present and if someone has put some thought behind getting another a present, then it shows.

But even better than presents , I prefer 'experiences" - I remember one birthday, my long time friend and business partner insisted that he wanted to give me a present. I asked him to come to my house at night after dinner, with his children and wife, and I also asked to them bring some nice fruit with them. When he arrived, we laid out a blanket on the grass in the garden. The night before, I had noticed the full moon and i was thinking to myself that it would be nice to spend sometime outside in the moonlight...and this is what we did, we had a picnic under the moon, eating fruit and oh yes...howling at the moon...that's what dogs do...i even have pictures of us howling at the moon. We had a really good time...at least I did! ( I think the others thought that i was a little strange)

We remember the special moments more than the actual present in itself. Maybe its because we remember being present in the moment. This is something we rarely do, our thoughts drift from the past , to the future and even when we drive, cook, take a shower...we are on auto pilot and our thoughts are elsewhere. Ever wondered how you got to a place ..after you get there... sometimes it seems like the time just passes us by. This is why when we do something that takes us into the moment, we remember it for years to come.

I think this is especially true for children, because what they will remember are the special moments. I try to mark out each occasion and make it different so that they can remember it for eg..I always make "valentines day special for them ...why cant kids celebrate valentines day, who says its for sweethearts alone? One time,I set a table outside for both my children , put flowers on the table, prepared a special menu, created menu cards and pretended I was the waiter so they could feel like they were in a special restaurant. Sometimes , I would leave love notes for them when they woke up or have a string of hearts or flowers leading up to their presents.

I remember another time when I had to have my tooth extracted and I told my children before i went to bed that I expected the tooth fairy to arrive and take my tooth away, then i put it under my pillow and went to sleep. ( I was 49 years old then!!!) when i woke up in the morning, I found some coins under my pillow, a trail of flowers leading up to my bed. Nice..very nice!!

This is what we take with us when we die -memories - times we had with people we love. I am learning that giving to myself is as important as giving to others . Giving is a two way street and has two sides to it, its about giving to others and ourselves and it is also not always giving but also about being gracious enough to receive and giving others a chance to give us their gift. I find that when i make time to do some of the things that makes my soul happy like painting, reading, walking, cooking and hosting parties at my home, and now..blogging ( which is really writing) - I give myself a gift - quiet time for me to hear my thoughts ( except when i host a party, although when i cook, I am lost in my own world). I know this time is good for me. Its a balancing act, to find that mid point between giving of myself to others and giving to myself. I do this in micro movements like Sark says in her books. I do small things for myself, making that one hour to walk on my treadmill ,for example. I was reading a book called "bursting with energy" and in his book, Frank Shallenberger talks about the 5/10 rule. He says just start the exercise, just for 5 mins and if you don't feel good and want to stop after 5 mins - stop or do the same for 10 mins and stop if you don't feel good. He says that most times, we wont stop. He is right, its in the starting to do something that is sometimes difficult , as the rest looks after itself. Its about " me time" - about presenting myself to me and being present in the moment. Maybe that's why Deepak Chopra's had this ancient quote in his book:

"The past is history, the future is a mystery and the present is a gift." For me to share my gift to the world, I need to give myself the "gift of me" first.