Joy.... doing what I love

Listening to myself and only doing those things that make my spirit happy is my message for me today. Its seems like such a simple and straightforward thing to do and yet I have struggled with this all my life. I tend to do what's "required", whats "right" and what is "expected' of me ...my "duty" first....leaving me very little time to do what makes me happy at a core level. and even as I write this, my mind is screaming at me ...."how the hell are you going to do this?... nice thought but is it practical??" " is this something that you can sustain or is it just a passing fad?"

That voice is the "drill sergeant"in me ..the one that gets me up in the morning, the one that reminds me what I have to do ...my "duties" ...and its served me all these years, kept me from getting into trouble, helped me pass exams and excel in my work ....helped me to be a good mother, good student, good daughter, good boss....but why this need to be so "good". Does listening to myself and being "spirited" make me "bad?" I guess I must have thought that at some level because I did get myself into alot of trouble as a child, for doing what i wanted to and not what others wanted me to do.

So what I have been doing most of my life is to be so " good" until I cant take it anymore than I flip and become this "brat child" especially when things get tough, I dig my heels in and put up a "temper tantrum". Thats worked for me so far. ...But if I listened to myself more...I mean really listen to what I want to do at a soul level..then maybe I dont need to do this anymore. I can be in my true power and be authentic...be me.

I think half the problems we face today come from us playing " roles" that we feel we ought to and somewhere along the way we think the role is who we are, we go into auto -pliot mode. I choose today to start living in more awareness about the things i do and to choose to do the things that make me joyful. This will be my one month experiment starting end of november leading me to the end of the year. They say that if you do something for a full 21 day cycle ( one mandala) it will become a habit.

Day 1 of Wandering Dog 30day challenge ( follow link below and see where it takes me)

http://wwwwanderingdog30daychallenge.blogspot.com/