All ok...

Whenever i stop writing, i get nudged by friends who send me messages to write my next blog.... they say, it helps them keep track of me...to know where my mind is and what I am up to.

So as I write this, I am thinking about what stood out for me this week. Balance and Routines come to mind. I have been fighting my kids all month to get them into a routine.... simple things like sleeping on time, or having breakfast/regular meals, eating healthy, having enough exercise..etc. On one level they are routines and on another level, they help ground us and give us a sense of well being.

I worry about my children ... I worry about their school and how they cope, if they are happy, if they are balanced, their outlook to life and if they will make the grades to do the courses of their choice. I get concerned that there is a disconnect ...they don't see the connection between what they do now and how it will shape their future....... but Seriously...Why should they?
I think about me , when I was their age, I had no concept of the future, my life was NOW and everything that happened in the moment was so BIG!
Am I missing something?... have I become too much of an adult that I have forgotten what it was like when i was their age? How would I have reacted if my parents said the things I am saying now? .... even worse...have I become my mum or dad?
How do I alter my approach as to not push them away and to let them know that they are not judged and that I love them. (... but I am judging them, arent I?)

As adults, we tend to worry too much, we take present behaviour and plot it into the future ...I know my parents thought that I would end up dropping out of school and becoming some sort of a "gang leader" ... because I was always getting into trouble, mainly around rules and routines.
At least my parents got the "leader" part right because I became a business leader.

Which brings me to yesterday, I decided that my present time with my children is more important and I spent the day, just "being" there with them. I gave my daughter a massage, sat and talked to my son while he ate his favourite ice cream. Made jokes and laughed at their jokes and watched TV with them instead of doing my e-mails. Something shifted, could have been me or them but I feel better. They are not going to be school drop outs and beach bums... they are OK...we are all OK! What we look for is what we get, if I keep focusing on what's negative about them instead of their good qualities, then this is what I will magnify in my world. Besides the "good kids" never have as much fun as kids who push the boundaries a bit and are truthful about it. When my kids get sent to detention class in school , they tell me. And even if they break school rules and home rules, I know that they know the boundaries when it comes to society and community. This to me is more important. Many kids don't notice beggars on the street, my kids always want to give them some money. Many kids don't notice old people or someone who may need a hand to open a door or cross the street but mine do. They even know how to keep their rooms clean and when it gets messy, I can see them sorting things out and clearing up. Looking after self, looking after others... the foundation is there, lets see what they build upon it. I wait eagerly to see this, in they own way they will leave their mark on the planet because they are awesome kids ( people..actually) ... but hey... I am biased...they are my kids! Maybe all i need to do is to celebrate their goodness and greatness ... and in the process everything else will fall into place because when I relax about the future, I allow creativity to flow freely, I hear more... and it helps me give them what they really need to support them in their journey into adulthood. I can do more by doing less... how neat is that? ...but isn't that the way of the universe... doing more with less and letting things run on their own momentum and having faith that things always turn out exactky as it should and for our highest good?

"One eyed wonder".....

There is something to say about "goodness" because when you start looking for it, you see and attract more of it to you.
Its not about being " good" .... I think this is just a label and the more we place a label on ourselves and others...the more we struggle with it.
I am talking about the ability to find something useful in every situation. This is the key ,if we want to change current circumstances in our life, we have to embrace the situation and go beyond that by actually finding " goodness'' in it...to acknowledge that its serving us for some reason.

Its hard to do when you have just regained consciousnness after being unconscious for 5 days as a result of a bad accident... but in these situations it is absolutely necessary to do that in order to heal and look into the future.

What we normally do is ask " why Me" or say " its not fair" and in some ways we are allowed to go through that process because we need to overcome the shock of the incident. Its what we do after that ... do we continue to play the victim or do we make a decision to live the very best life we can in the moment?

I know someone who had a life threatening accident and he lost a part of his cranium and lost the ability to see out of one eye. He was told that he could not go back to university for a year and that he had to remain in hospital for 2 months. He decided that this is not the life that he wanted to live...so he got himself better and left the hospital in a wheel chair in 2 weeks. He returned to university and completed his education. Today he plays touch sports even though a part of his skull is missing and his approach to life is one where he goes out to embrace life. He completed iron man recently in good time and he lives life fully...why?.. because he nearly lost everything and he has been to death and come back. He has a real appreciation for what he has now in his life.

Here lies the secret.... appreciating what we have now in the moment. Its our right to be happy and to enjoy everything that comes our way and we have complete control over this...no one else can see the world in the same way because each us has a unique and individual perspective.

For the person I know who is hospital , my wish for him is that he is able, from this point onwards to be thankful for his second lease in life and forge ahead to be everything he wants to be.
For the rest of us, to be thankful that we are not in hospital and to grasp the opportunity that is given to us in the moment and be the best we can be in each moment...after all this is all we have ...the current moment.

How we choose to spend it is entirely up to us... i did say " choose" because we often think that life happens to us and that we don't have a choice. People like my "one eyed" friend reinforce the message that we are the drivers of our life. He often says that he sees more with his one eye that he did with both his eyes.... he appreciates the fact that he still has one eye and that he not blind. Reminds me of the time when we were in an art gallery and they had hologram exhibits that needed to be seen through both eyes...my sister and i were insisting that he see it too as the images were beautiful. He just laughed and reminded us that he cant see through both eyes and we all laughed together. We often forget that he cant see through one eye because of the way he lives life fully. We have the power to shape the future we want to live, by the way we perceive and respond to our current circumstances.... ME? ... I choose greatness !

Pure Magic !

There is a saying " be realistic, plan for a miracle"

Many people think that miracles only happen to special or gifted people... I think it happens everyday. And the "spell" that makes this happen is our spoken word.
Sometimes I make things happen by stating my intent out loud but often , they are random happenings sometimes its a wish or a thought ..that becomes real and appears in front of me. Usually , it looks like a coincidence but from what I have learnt all these years...there are no coincidences.

My thoughts of late include how I am going to start a business of my own, about adding more play in my life, having more time with my children and adding to the planet.

I think that the time is drawing near and even though the incidents leading to this decision have not been that pleasant, I think its a blessing in disguise and its exactly what i need in my life. Its not easy making changes and it can sometimes be a scary thing. But if I really believed in all the things i write about, then I need to take that plunge and just jump off the diving board knowing that the universe will hold me in its palm and slowly unfold a bigger , greater plan for me. I read a saying somewhere that said " you cant scare me ...I have children!" ...my sister recently reminded me of this saying ... made me laugh. The truth is that I have made many huge life changing decisions and I am still here...whole and intact...and perhaps even stronger and happier.

Every time I make a shift in my life, I bless and thank those who have been a catalyst in helping me make that decision .. in a way, they are co-creators of my new adventure. Sometimes we don't know exactly what the destination will look like ....but that's half the fun...creating as we go along and stopping to look back every now and then ...only to realise how far we have come and how much we have grown.. Reminds me of a lazy Sunday afternoon when a friend and I sat out in the sun with our feet in the swimming pool, drinking champagne... I turned to her to tell her that I have come a long way from where i started in life.... that my life has been one amazing journey, almost like the contrast between night and day. Was I expecting it? ...yes, in a way... ..did it turn out the way I wanted it ? .... NO...........it's way better than my wildest imagination!!

maybe that's why someone said that we need to be realistic and expect miracles...its our birth right .... and its pure magic!

about bloody time!

When I look back at my life, I am quite surprised by the number of challenges I have had to overcome. I don't have to look far, just in the last year alone, I lost a parent, moved house, changed my job... they say that these types of changes cause alot of stress... considering the fact that i did it all in one year... its taken its toll on me and yet I am quite amazed that I didn't roll over and give up.

Most times, I tell myself that I don't have the time to stop and really feel the grief or emotion, I just keep moving... I learnt a long time ago that " if you have problems in your life, then you are bored..go do something" I have literally embraced this belief completely and so I keep filling up my life with so many things to do ...just so that I don't have problems...or maybe just so that I don't feel any pain!!

But pain has a way of catching up and when it comes back , it comes back with a vengeance. Have you ever watched yourself when you sometimes over react to a small thing... and you wonder where all that emotion came from... I think when you shut out an emotion, it doesn't go away...it just sits there and festers ...waiting for a reason to come out. Each time it gets shut out it gets stronger and until it just comes out like an avalanche... that cannot be stopped.

I didn't understand this when I was younger... I used to tell myself that I have too much to do, a business to run , bills to pay and that I could not afford to become an "emotional wreck" ... so I never allowed myself to really feel any emotion.

I think the only emotion that came out even if I tried to control it , was anger ... and perhaps the anger was at me because I was afraid of my feelings. I used to think that women who were emotional were "wimps" and drama queens. I used to think I was better because I was strong and unattached....well all that got thrown out the window when i had children. They opened my heart.

Then I turned 50... this is a funny age ....suddenly you arrive at an age where you realise that you could be here for another 10/20/30 years... that's not a long time...and then you are gone as quickly as you came here to the planet.



These days, all that matter are authenticity and being in my truth. Nothing is more important than that and anyone or anything that cant support my need for this are distractions that take me off course..... I don't have time for detours that don't add to me or the planet.

Self focused... maybe, but people who know me would say " about bloody time." I agree... its my time... to live in my greatness ...emotions and all !

listening with an open heart

I believe that its the duty if every leader to listen to what is being told to them. Too often we have leaders in organisations who sit within their own "bubbles" and surround themselves with others who validate their current thought process that they lose touch with reality.

This is really sad because the whole organisation suffers as a result of it because mediocrity becomes a way of life. No one dares to question another for their "bad" behaviour instead they skirt around the issue , talk behind someone's back or pretend that it is not there.


Its a bit like families that have an abusive parent or a delinquent child, the rest of the family become co-dependants because they band together to hide that "family secret" thus perpetuating the lie.

If someone in the "family" dares to speak up and point out that there is a problem, this person is seen as disloyal for doing that. I heard about a little girl who did exactly that, she spoke to a counsellor about her abusive and alcoholic parent...instead of being relieved that the secret is finally out and addressing the problem, the other parent accused the child of letting out the family "secret" ...that her other siblings would not have done that.

The child's behaviour is just the symptom of the bigger issue, unless the root cause is sorted , this problem would perpetuate itself.


But how often do people really want to face their issues, isnt it easier to be an "ostrich' and bury our heads in the ground. and that boils down to the type of questions we ask ourselves. In the case of the abusive family .... anyone wanting to hide something will ask " how can I contain this? " .... " how do I prevent others from finding out because it makes me/us look bad?" The child on the other hand was asking " how can i end this abuse... what can i/we do to fix it ?" With one question, the ego is involved and it is about looking good, and the other is about finding a solution and accepting responsibility for what is.

Its the same with organisations, the leader needs to be asking " why is this happening and how do i change behaviours...how am I perpetuating this problem?" let's face it ... everything that happens within an organisation is a direct symptom of the leader...there is no other way to look at this. Its easy to find the fall guys and scape goats but did the exit of the last fall guy solve the problem ...is the problem still there?


Sometimes people within the corporate world think that there is no room for emotions and they lock their heart away. But this is exactly where we need to show heart because this is where most wounding takes place. Besides, what good is technology/fancy process without people to breathe life into it. How do you reach the core of an individual and inspire them... except through the heart?

proud to be me...

Sometimes when I face challenges I tend to take stock and review my steps and see if I could have done things differently. I guess i could have in most situations... but then again hind sight management is something anybody can do.... the more important question is " would I change anything if I had a choice? " ... I doubt it!

You see, I am a strong believer in the philosophy that life unfolds exactly as it should...meaning ...there are no accidents or coincidences... everything that happens is just right... and if i give it a chance it will unfold even better than my wildest imagination.

This then puts on twist on everything that is happening... it tells me that i should be me, no matter what.... like the DNA that makes up each individual, we carry our own energetic imprint in the world... mine always stands for the truth and for saying things as they are.

Of course I will piss off people along the way... mainly people who are unable to deal with the fact that everyone is different and have other view points.... at times it is also OK to agree to disagree. Otherwise we will all be robots...playing follow the leader. The trouble with many people, especially in the corporate world is that there is no room for individuality and they cant deal with differences in opinion. Maybe this is why many corporations are in trouble because of the "unconscious people" they put in power, who don't accept diversity, differences and new thought process..unfortunately this is seen as a deviance and deviance is bad. How do you create if you cant challenge what there is.... isn't it time we challenged our own ideas in pursuit of growth?

So when i look back at my life and things that have happened... I wouldn't change a thing. Of course it hurts to be misunderstood but those who know me, know where my heart is and know what i am made of. Reminds me of something my mum said when my dad passed away and I was making funeral arrangements, i asked my mum if we needed to wait an extra day to inform friends. To this she replied, "everybody who needs to know, already knows" . This is true, everybody who needs to know me , already knows so it doesn't make a difference if there are people who don't know me or misunderstand me. Besides,its their loss because they missed out on a opportunity to be generous in spirit and to give someone benefit of their doubt.

When my first business partnership broke up, I was in tears not because of the potential loss of the business but because I felt betrayed by my business partner and those who worked with me. I remember waking up one morning, crying and my dad said to me " don't worry about the money that is lost, You had the courage to go out and start a business when most people would have been afraid" I have always been the risk taker, the one who goes first... why should it be any different now... its who I am and I am proud to be me!

getting ourselves Un -employed!

I overheard two women talking yesterday about their jobs and they both seemed relieved that they were not affected by recent re-structure in their company. And then it dawned on me .... how dependant most of us are on our jobs and employers and how any change to this part our lives shakes the very foundation we stand on.... to most people (at a basic level), having a job means being able to pay the bills, put kids through school and provide them the money to live the life they want/aspire to have. But the price we pay for this is too high, and we don't have anyone else to blame but ourselves. We have been "programmed" to believe that this is the only way to live .... where we spend most of our life working to support our lifestyle. Work is important if its meaningful and some people feel that they never work a day in their life and I know what that feels like ...if you have some control over where you are taking it. But most people have no control over their work life even if they are good at what they do (and even if they think they have control). Often in the corporate world, people think they are secure if they have the " right relationships" and these people spend more time "sucking up to their bosses than getting work done" Whenever we put our lives in the hands of someone else.... probably someone who is also in the same shoes as you ...meaning...they have given their power away to someone higher up... we end up relinquishing responsibility for our own lives.

Its a hard line to take but the more I spend time in the corporate world, the more I am convinced that people have to empower themselves and find ways to UN - employ themselves ( for want of a better word)

Sure , many of us are so ingrained into the idea of employment that its a hard thing to shake off ... and even if we did ...what do we move to??

I have a nagging feeling in me that there is something better. The young ones entering the work force are starting to question employment, mainly because for the first time in a long time, this generation will never see the same level of lifestyle and income as their parents. This makes them question the meaninglessness of being married to your job and they see works as a means to get something and not as a lifestyle. In other words, they are not tied to work, they plan mini-retirements along the way and earn enough to pay for the experiences they want... they don't wait for retirement to enjoy life.

Not all of us have that choice but I think its time to start questioning the reasons why we work and to explore if there was a way to "plug out" of the system and honour ourselves. To give ourselves approval to find meaningful work that adds to our lives instead of giving away our power to others. These "others" have different motivations, they don't know what we want and how can they be expected to add value to our lives?

I don't have the answers yet but I know that it lies inside self employment, barter and real partnerships. If we don't ask the questions, we will never know. We, as human beings have so much to offer the world , we are so creative and clever ...and yet why do we allow ourselves to be so dis-empowered in the work arena and become so powerless?? Surely there must be a better way... and maybe the new entrants into the work force like our children will teach us that...many have seen first hand what traditional employment has done to their parents who were either "married to their employer" and were absent parents or been "chewed up and spat out " by corporations by being made redundant or both. Either way, many in this group have been the victims of the "corporate life" that their parents chose and their outlook to work will be different...its only natural.
Despite this reality and backdrop staring at our faces, I still see parents advising their children on how to build their "career" and "future"...just because it worked for us , does not mean it will work for them. The basic assumptions have changed. Instead of trying to talk our children into walking the path we took, we need let them take charge and encourage them to do what's in line with their spirit. It may not seem like the "right" thing now...but do any of us have any idea of what their life will be like 40 years from now? We don't really know what their world will be like ....what's the use of pointing them to the rules of our current reality when they are slowly becoming obsolete? If we teach them to live a life that is congruent with their spirit, at least they stand a chance in creating something unique for the world and possibly be happy and successful..but successful in their terms, not ours!