Soul Searching Dog

I smile as I sit at my computer to write this blog... Writing the title made me smile, I have an image of a dog in an orange monk's robe sitting cross legged in a meditative position on a mountain top overlooking the valleys. ( its a cartoon dog by the way!)


I am not in one of those funny moods actually... its the opposite... I am feeling very challenged and in some ways a bit let down. I don't even know where to start. But I do know one thing... that my outer world is a reflection of my own beliefs and thoughts and instead of focusing on t he people outside and the incidents, I have decided to go within and find out what is causing this turbulence inside me.


I have been a 'barking' dog all my life.. I say it like it is..used to be alot worse and I think i have mellowed down alot over time. But my being direct , even though mild in comparison to the past, is seen by some people as disloyal and I feel misunderstood.That is so far from the truth for anyone born in the year of the dog.

I dont even mind being misunderstood because it just affects me but when it filters out to affect people who align with me and when I know in my heart of hearts that maybe they are getting penalised because of me...now that really breaks my heart.


I know that the people who hurt me are serving me because this is a big button for me... injustice. even as a child, I would risk everything to fight for what's "right" and it has got me into a lot of trouble. Its almost like if we are all wired with different triggers and if someone happens to hit one of the big triggers, than a whole of emotions show up...not just for this incident but for all the injustices that have taken place in my life... all at once.


I am looking forward to the short break I am taking as it will give me space to do some soul searching and find out what the "charge" is behind these emotions. For now, I am just thankful that I can at least observe what is happening instead of being swept away by it all....or rather its kind of like a movie...one moment I am in it , really getting tossed around by the waves and the next I am watching this movie of myself being tossed around by the waves. We cant always be riding the waves , sometimes we lose balance... the trick is being able to enjoy where we are ...even when we are down... whenever I read this in the past, I used to think to myself ..." ya.. get real" but I now see glimpses of it. Its not such a bad thing feeling down. I just acknowledge that this is what i am feeling and keep living life... and whenever i can, I sit crossed legged , like my cartoon dog and try to be still ...to hear what my soul wants to whisper to me because the times when we are most vulnerable are the times we get the most profound messages. I cant wait to see what the universe has in store for me..usually its quite magical and better than what I imagined.