Celebrating Friendships

I have been thinking about friendships and how people come into our lives. Every now and then, you meet someone who feels like if you have met them before, like they are a piece of a puzzle that just clicks in place. Friendships are bonds we build and I haven't been that good at keeping in contact with all my friends. I am a lazy friend and if someone makes the effort to stay in touch with me, I am 100% there, otherwise I am the 'wandering dog out exploring". My close friends - are those who have managed to track me down and stay in touch with me regularly. I have read that " friends are family we are not born with" This is how I see my friends and in a "twisted" way, I think that if they are my family then they are part of my life forever...meaning...I dont really have to stay in touch and do all the 'social ' bits like having to reassure them that I am still their friend.This only works if all my friends think like me... what a silly expectation to have of others! I did when I was younger and sometimes even felt a bit hurt that someone would think that I am not interested in their friendship just because I dont stay in touch.

Friendship is one area in our lives where we have a lot of expectation. Whenever I hear the word expectation, I think of Sri Sri Ravi Shankar's words " Expectations Reduce Joy" We expect our friends to do and not do certain things. When I think of " expectations reduce joy" in a friendship context , it helps me realise that each person is an individual on their own path and that I have no right to impose my expectations on them . That if I expect them to do or be something and if they dont, then it reduces my joy in life. Instead if I let them be, it makes the relationship more enjoyable. This also applies to what they do in their lives, at times we all do things that others dont approve, but in real friendship, its possible to love someone , tell them what you think and still love them through that 'learning period' in their life. ( and it is my believe that friendship is the foundation of every relationship including family members).

I have a girlfriend who stood her ground with me with regard to a major decision I was making in my life, she cried and said that she thought i was making a mistake and yet she let me do it and stayed connected to me to watch over me now and then. It took me 10 years to see what she was talking about at that time, she never brought it up again during the 10 years, she just stood in the background and supported me every now and then, when I needed her support.

This is the other thing that really touches my heart about friendships, the way friends rise to the occasion, do what they need to and then slip into the background again. No pomp, no bells, no glory, just being a silent supporter. I like being that kind of friend, even when I am off on one of my "wandering dog adventures" my heart is connected to my friends ...my family and I make it a point to be there when a friend needs me...I haven't done that consistently in the past but its something I am making an effort to do these days.

And then there are other angels who just come into our lives and slip away, total strangers, like the old man who held my hand and pulled me out of a car accident, I still remember his words "I am here, dont worry, hold my hand and just come out" before I could even thank him, he was gone. or the guy who gave me a CD at the car park for no reason and when i played the CD, it made me laugh all the way to work.

In my world there are two types of friends , those who stay through time with me and those who come for a while and leave. But they are all family in some some way, a part of my life. I think the Indonesians have this worked out. In their country, someone older is called 'pak' (father) or 'ibu' (mother) and everyone else is either a brother or sister... imagine a whole country having that type of an attitude - everyone is family.

I read have read that what we see in another , it is a reflection of us because we cant possibly see it in others unless it is within us to recognise in the first place. And as I clean up my own thinking, I find that I see more goodness out there in the world. Maybe the quality of our friends and the quality of the day to day contact we have with other people is truly a reflection of our own inner thought process. Maybe all we do is bounce off each other and serve as "mirrors" to show the other people what they are doing. What is the main flavour of our thoughts today and what are we seeing in the people around us? ....And maybe the only work we have to do is clean up our own act to create a better life for ourselves and others in it.